The Story Continues..

I am a terrible blogger. Here today maybe tomorrow, and then gone for weeks! I would go crazy if I followed my own blog! SO MY APOLOGIES!

All the wonderful and difficult times of the last 17 mos were stamped with Gods presence. From moving the financial barrier that causes us all to break out in a cold sweat, to the connections He had orchestrated. It is hard to type right now, an will continue to be, as all these sweet memories come flooding so fast.

I wanted to tell you about one sweet connection, that made it possible to breathe during the waiting for Mr. Javi. If you have adopted or given birth, or both you have experienced the time of longing and eagerly awaiting the face to face...nose to nose, breath to breath of this precious one. In pregnancy, you have the wiggles and kicks to keep you so connected and you just can not wait to see the face of this little ROCKETTE. In adoption you, usually (not always)have a face, a picture, but no wiggles and kicks. Where am I going with all of this? I love having all my ultrasounds, they are such fun and a huge relief seeing the little one grow. In adoption, especially international,you may receive a few pics every month... Which is great! Moms, you and I both know we want details, full albums! Make me feel like I am there!

Okay Okay I will get to the story.

I met Holly. Only by phone really, another connection had sent me her way since she had a little one born in Guatemala. Holly is and was the sweetest, most tender soul. She was so encouraging, and really went out of her way to show care and excitement. She was headed to Guatemala and offered to meet up with my little guy and take any small gift i would like to send! Ahhhhh! Of course! my only apprehension was whether my agency would agree to it. They would have to go out of their way to set this up. Praise the Lord they agreed and so it was settled. In January 2004, Holly would meet and snuggle Javi. How could I decide what to put in a shoe box for him. I tried to shove myself in there, but it looked like it was not going to work. ( I had lost weight in this time, but not quite enough for a small shoebox) I packed pictures, animals, a puppy, and a blankey....and of course some cameras! We loaded up the kiddies and mother n law and headed to Kentucky in the snow (and I DO NOT LIKE DRIVING IN THE SNOW!)

Holly was in Guatemala, and I of course, waited patiently and ....uh okay...that is not true.

(I wanted to sound prim and proper and that lasted about 2 seconds.)

Finally the moment, she called and said she had been with him! She said "Oh he is breath taking!" I thought I was already in love, but when Holly returned and sent me the package! OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH! This girl was/is an angel! She had not only taken my package to Javi, but
* purchased Guatemala items for our family

* taken ooooooooodles of pics of Javi, foster family, and orphanage

* this one....this one was so amazing. Holly had taken a build a bear recorder, and captured his sweet baby voice counting to in Spanish and saying Hello. Along with his Tita. (big siiiiigh!) It was such an amazing gift. From one mommy to another..knowing exactly the balm needed to soothe this longing heart.

Holly's generosity did not end there. When receive our call that we could come to Guatemala, Holly sent more gifts for our travel and a subscription to Adoptive Families. If I had not seen her with my own eyes, you would think she was an angel. She is mine anyway.

Fast forward to the glorious time leaving for Guatemala to finally meet face to face our little man. I probably could have flown there myself I was so excited, I think my professional packing of essentials for every situation (over packing) would have put a damper on my altitude. So I decided to opt for the airplane. I could not believe we were actually going, after 17 mos of waiting, could it be that tomorrow the boy had only know in pictures would be in my arms.

We drove up to the orpahange, and we immediately heard the voices of the little ones behind the doors. We walked inside and our greeting of many, many little ones jumping and gibbering to us. Our sweet, sweet memory of this little girl we call the "HOLA HOLA girl" she was about to climb in our skin! We were so overwhemed and the emotions ran high. We were so moved by this tiny little girl maybe 4 or 5... we would have gladly loved her. She was jumping around us in her pixie voice "Hola Hola Hola, Hola Hola Hola" Jim and I still think of her and how she moved our hearts almost 6 years ago. We walked through the building filled with little ones. I know they were making do with what they had, it was all they had known. The guide led us up some steps, and then Jim whispers and screams (at the same time, if that is possible ) "LOOK!" And I look to my right, and this little boy standing on the balcony. He doesn't see us...he is just waiting, and my heart and tummy end up bumping into each other my insides were such a mess! There he was. In real life...our little boy.

Part 3

Now we had a face, and it changed everything. There is something about a face. You can talk about missions, talk about feeding children, and talk about how sad it makes you. But until....until you really look at the faces. Oh they get into your heart. They burn in your mind, and the tears flow for a face that you don't even know their name.
Our little guy was a so dreamy, but not so healthy. A doctor reviewed his info. and could really give us very little to go on concerning the diagnosis and prognosis. It was a wait and see. So then we had to decide whether we would continue to pursue this journey, and it was not even a question. He was NOT a maybe, he was our boy and we knew it. He was our boy even with all that could mean.
We were off and running, I of course did not have a homestudy and, oh yeah, no money. What we did have was a face and faith. we knew he was ours and HE was with us. We went about planning fundraisers, and sharing the little face that we had fallen for. Time and time again the journey affirmed.
I called the social worker we had been talking to after hours and let her know we would like her to send the paperwork to get started. I knew it would be a few days since I was calling her after hours and she would be sending it snail mail. The next morning to my surprise the info I had requested was delivered. HUH? How did that happen? I was a bit confused, when I talked to her and mentioned how fast she was. She said she had a feeling we would be wanting it, and had already sent it. OKAAAAY that was funny!
Stories like that continued all the way through. Most people thought we were nuts, and they were not far off.
Sometimes crazy if good.
The "craziness" must have been contagious because many rallied with us in fundraising. Our very first yard sale we had folks we did not know give us sooooo much furniture we needed a trailer. That particular yard sale was enough to cover our homestudy. I had not idea how the rest was going to come, if you have adopted you know the drill. God in His goodness moved the mountains we needed. Adoption/orphan ministries blessed us like www.showhope.org, founded by Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman. Our agency Holt International, who has such a tender heart for these little ones, reduced out fees significantly due to the health concerns our little man was thought to have.
They also blessed us with a grant towards our fees, all glory to God of course. Let us not forget friends and family that gave time, donations, and finances towards making the orphan numbers drop by one.

I am zooming though this because the time and details could fill a book. So bear with me.
We watched Jav grow from 17 mos to 3 yrs. I know I must have driven my agency to the brink of madness with my calls and emails. When? When?
All was not smooth as we would all like it to be. The wait was dreadful, like the gestation of an elephant. (Although it was the first "pregnancy" I lost weight with). We had country issues, paperwork issues, sanity issues.....but
One day... one wonderful wonderful day we heard these beautiful words. Kind of like hearing "your pregnant" or "it is a girl"..we heard "You are out"
we had finally been approved by the Guatemala authorities! My heart stopped, I am sure I did not have to change my pants, but I did run outside squealing, jumping and yes, do a few cartwheels in our front lawn. Who cares what my neighbors thought. I wanted the world to know we were having a baby, a 18lb baby, but a baby..our baby.

Part 2 : Purpose and Passion

So where was I? Oh yeah, I was home with 3 little miracles and now seriously, seriously feeling a new path roll out in front of me. After reading about the situation in many countries (including ours) I knew that we had to be a part of this. How could I know that a there were little ones lonely, vulnerable, and sick. Just waiting for hope, wondering if it existed.

Hubby and I then began the plan. Not a well thought out, organized plan, just a plan. (grin) I was personally leaning towards Ethiopia. I just felt like that would be the best for us, after looking at the legal fees that go along with adoption and then comparing the fees with our checking account (a-hem), let us say there was not much in common with the two. In my heart I continually felt the whisper of Guatemala. I tried to explain to the Lord, about fees and countries etc. Apparently, I was not convincing "Guatemala, Guatemala" is all I heard. How Lord? How can we possibly? And then I knew...it was not about "how could we?" It was all about "Would we? and knowing "HE could."

We were not in a position according to our bank account or according to friends and family to do this. But it was not about us or what anyone else thought could be done. In the following months we were witness to cattle on a thousand hills, and faith moving mountains, and storehouses overflowing. We felt the constant comfort and direction of our Shepherd. It was amazing, and He led us to this field. A field of loneliness. Where people don't want to believe that this exists. millions, millions millions of little ones not hearing of hope. In this field there are rarely kisses on the nose, food for a grumbly tummy and someone to scare away the spookies. They ache and ache with hunger, sickness, sadness, and fear. Waiting for hope. It is a field, a field of the Fatherless. Just writing that makes me want to cry.

I asked some folks that I knew had connections to friends and family that had adopted. We were pointed toward www.holtinternational.org . I had frequented ministries that had shared "waiting children" already, even Holt. Until one particular day. On this day, I continued to see sweet sweet little ones looking back from the screen with tiny needy faces. But this day, this day I saw face that instantly grabbed me, my heart, my head. I remember thinking he is the one. I even woke up our son, and said "Look at your new little brother". When hubby came home,I sent him to the computer to see the precious little one I was bringing home in my heart, to which hubby said " Where so we sign?" We knew that "he" was our boy. And then the fun began......

Purpose and Passion: The beginning of our journey

Orphan Sunday from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

Part 1:

Where did all begin? We knew we wanted to have a big, huge, gigantic family, (OK I knew that.. Jim thought it wouldn't be quite as big as my numbers)
We were so richly blessed to be able to have a baby just in saying hello, even from a mile away. OK, not a mile, but you get the picture. We had talked about adoption, but had not moved in that direction yet. We had two sweet toddlers, and then the unthinkable. We experienced the loss of two sweet babies lost in miscarriage. I then began to get deeper into adoption. Never knowing where I was headed, but thankfully the Lord did.

Two years after the loss of the second sweetie, we were wonderfully blessed with a healthy baby girl. At this point, I was enjoying my newest bundle, and 2 little toddlers toddling around. I remember receiving a magazine/newsletter from ALL GOD'S CHILDREN INTERNATIONAL, within this newsletter was a story about a precious little one abandoned in Guatemala. My mind was shocked, heart was broken, and suddenly it was clear now I knew...and I could never be the same.

Confession

I confess. I do . I can not hide it anymore. I know this will come to many of you as a terrible shock.
I....I think I am addicted to kids. Really.. *SIGH ***** Wow that feels really good to have that out in the open. How do I know? Here is the list of most common thoughts running through my head.
God of course is a continuous flow..then my children, more children, adoption, birth, orphans, pregnancy, mission trips to orphanages, baby names, Duggars, other large families I know, other smaller families I know, and then repeat, repeat repeat.
Yeah, that sounds pretty close.
Thanks for listening to my confession, I really needed to make sure you knew. I try not to wear it on my sleeve. Even if there are six (for now) sweeties following me around.
Shooooo, I feel better already!